It’s Wednesday, July 5th, and today we’re talking about the strangely overrated (and oft-misunderstood) idea of authenticity.

Which happens to be one of the community industry's favorite words.

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Authenticity is a Trap

Today, I want to talk to you about why authenticity can be dangerous and how to redefine the way you interact with others.

Community is about relationships, and in no other context will you hear the word "authentic" more than in our interactions with people

The problem is both in our understanding of the word and the cultural push to "always be yourself." It's advice that lacks critical thinking.

People don't want you to be authentic…

… at least not in the way you think they do. If you're going to build a community, you need to understand three things:

1. How we've come to understand the word

2. Why it's problematic

3. What to do instead

Speak your truth, baby boo.

Ugh, no.

Speak about your experience, your perspective, and your feelings. But "truth" is objective, and when people reference speaking their truth, it's usually in the context of the subjective. These little cultural erosions of truth are problematic, no matter how empowering they feel.

Authenticity has fallen into the same category. We've come to understand being authentic as synonymous with simply being you; with who you are in this moment and how you feel. The problem is that in most professional (and many personal) situations, how you feel shouldn't dictate how you show up.

I remember once hearing Seth Godin and Tim Ferriss talk about this on Tim's podcast. "I don't want an authentic surgeon," Seth said. "I don't want him to wake up and say I don't feel like doing surgery today, I want him to show up and be a professional."

I think he really hits the nail on the head here:

We also like kind people.

I've had a leadership role in many communities and every single one has had its share of jerks. When I encounter these people, I have two choices: react authentically or react professionally.

Authenticity, for me, is doing what you promise, not "being who you are." That's because "being" is too amorphous and we are notoriously bad at judging that. Doing, on the other hand, is an act that can be seen by all.

There is also one more layer worth touching on: what it means to treat people humanely. I have no problem being firm and direct with people, but whether in community, friendships, or firings, I have one cardinal rule of conflict: leave people with their dignity.

So… just be fake?

The counterargument to this idea is usually "I'm not going to be fake." This misses the mark. It assumes there are only two choices: being driven by feeling or being fake.

There is a contextual question to be asked: what are you here for?

• The community builder is here to preserve culture and move the group forward.

• The parent is here to provide safety, love, and development.

• The grocer is here to provide a service and preserve the reputation of the business.

Mother Theresa was filled with self-doubt. But she was an authentic saint because she always acted like one.

Your feelings will pull you in every which way. Your choice to show up and do good work keeps you in the driver's seat, headed to the right destination.

Marinade

A few things I’ve read this week that are worth soaking in:

• Why you’re not an imposter and you don’t need a best friend.

• This guy turns his to-do lists into video game levels.

• Near and dear to my heart: this entrepreneur just raised 20mil to open more cafes normalizing kindness and working with foster youth.

Onward,

April

Got some praise or feedback? We’re ready: [email protected]

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